If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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