i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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