my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize