What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
