Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
