She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
