My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
