I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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