Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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