She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
