Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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