There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
