Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
