Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
