You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
