i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
