Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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