still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
