man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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