Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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