I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
