We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
