your parents love me but you hate me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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