3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
