Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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