My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
