Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
