I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
