If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
babies were throwing up all over the place
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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