You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
