Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize