sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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