Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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