Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
