I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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