So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
