Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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