just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
