What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
