I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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