Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
