Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
