I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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