You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My dick has a subreddit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My life is pants optional.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
