Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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