You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
