omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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