And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
