I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
