He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
