you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
