he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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