mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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