I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
