I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
