now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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