sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
