whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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