I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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