I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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