It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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