it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
