Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize