Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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