I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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