Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
