he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
