so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I deserve this hangover.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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